Monday, March 12, 2018

Good vs Bad Marriage...Finances

Can Finances Make or Break A Marriage??

Greetings sister wives!

When LaCosta asked me to write this post, me being the jokester that I am, I thought I would just say yes it can and be done. But because I love LaCosta so much, I said let me go ahead and stop playing and write this post lol.

Picture this. Chile that man is fine good googly moogly! He can dress to the nines and he smells divine. That facial hair is always on point, neatly groomed and laying on his face like a blanket of snow on the ground on a cold winter's morn. Did I mention he smelled good? Yeah, I know I did, but I had to throw that in there again, cause he smells so damn good! Look at him out there on that dance floor working that tall streamline body to the beat of the music.

Now sis, he not only looks and smells good, his conversation is just what you want to hear. You see this man as your husband. You see that nice late model car he is driving and you can see yourself with the keys to his whip. You start dating and he picks up the tab every time. He even greases your palm with a few dollars and tells you to spend it how you like, or use it for your gas or lunch this week. Sis, you done hit the jackpot with this fella!

A few months later, you are walking down the aisle to your prince charming, about to become Mrs. Damn he fine looks good smells good drives a nice car has a good job and greases my palm Sr. Guh, you have arrived, so you thought. You think you are about to live happily ever after until you mention money. See sis, you failed to find out what how he handles his money. Which brings me to my point, because that is what happened to me. Although our marriage survived, as we are about to celebrate 25 years of wedded bliss, we didn't discuss our financial backgrounds and upbringing concerning money.

Girl sit down with that man at some point and find out how he spends his money. I mean you know how he makes it, but how does he manage it? My husband and I came from totally different backgrounds. I grew up in a single parent home, me my mother and my grandmother. I was taught early about how to manage money, I had the best of everything, and I was determined to keep that lifestyle. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a two-parent household, but they were not as fortunate to have the lifestyle I was privy to. He was the youngest of 15 children and always wore hand me downs. I, never wore an outfit twice growing up. This is why he was always dressed so nice, he wasn't used to anything. We both made great money and because I was used to having the best of everything I didn't cut corners on spending on me and my children. Because he didn't have the best growing up, he was determined to make up for it now that he was grown. Had we sat down and talked about our financial backgrounds we would have known how the other valued and managed their finances. Ladies if you are dating Mr. Rock My World, sit down and talk about the finances.

With him coming from a two parent household and me not, I handled my own finances just as he handled his. I had no clue about joining our funds together and neither did he. One thing we did agree on was who would pay what bills. Eventually, we joined our finances in one account and boy was that a disaster. He spent, I spent but neither of us checked the account before we spent and we were always $300 or more dollars negative every payday.

What financial goals, do you and your SO have? Back when we were in the cupcake phase of our marriage neither one of us knew anything about goal setting for our future. We lived in the moment and paid dearly for it.

Those are just a few examples of how financially backward we were. We made it through the for poorer to the for richer, it didn't come without hard work. Here are my four tips to make sure finances make and not break your marriage.

1) Talk. No matter where you are on your marital journey, sit down and talk about what you expect from your spouse. Will you have a joint account for bills and keep your separate account for personal expenses? Who is going to pay what bills and why? What is your SO financial background? Lay it all out on the table. My husband and I have regularly scheduled money date nights. It is imperative that you get on the same page about your finances.

2) Credit. What is your credit looking like? My husband had no credit and I was maxed out on my credit cards. What is your ideal score? How will you achieve said score?

3) Goal setting. What are your financial goals? Do they mirror your spouse's goals? What do you want to have in your savings account? What will you save for? How much will you need for retirement? How much will you need to save monthly to meet your financial goals?

4) Values. What are your significant others values? You know their core values? Both of you should sit down and write out your 5 most important core values. This will help determine how you should align your savings, spending and investing.

Finally, whatever you do, don't let finances break your marriage. Remember you made a vow for richer or for poorer. Work that financial thang out suh. I promise you will look back like me and my husband do and rejoice that you made it

Tracie B. Threadford, is a local personal finance blogger and coach. She has helped hundreds of clients change their financial situation through debt elimination, budgeting, and investing programs. When she is not coaching clients or spending time with her family, she can be found sharing her vast financial knowledge at http://traciebthreadford.com
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